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Viking Poet (U.K.) · Guest

The Bang-a-lot (1) Revised (CA)

From the Laugh-a-lot Series

Inside a shed stuffed full of wood
the Bang-a-lot can be found:
unable to work without making a noise,
just constant banging sounds.

From early dawn to sunset
he hammers, drills and saws;
making things from drawings,
like new cupboards to fit old doors!

He bumps and crashes about
which echoes through the night,
nobody gets much sleep
so he keeps well out of sight.

They say he's a grumpy old man;
some say he's a little nuts,
the Bang-a-lot doesn't give a hoot,
as he hammers, chisels and cuts.

Sometimes you'll hear him moaning
when things go badly wrong;
followed by louder banging,
until hearing his dinner gong.

"Peace and quiet." The neighbours cry,
"If only for a little while,
he'll soon be back to work;
with his grinning smile!"

The people who live close by
often pray for power cuts;
but, the Bang-a-lot kept on banging,
having been blessed with better luck.

One late evening fireman came
as the shed was well alight,
the neighbours began to sing and dance
while flames lit up the night.

Firemen dowes the burning shed,
soon the flames were out,
water flooding everywhere;
as they dragged the Bang-a-lot out.

After fits of spluttering
he gazed up from the ground,
neighbours stood around watching;
all amazed at the lack of sound.

"Poor old Bang-a-lot." Someone said,
as they carried him off to bed.
"He hasn't got a shed to work in
and we've no banging heads."

"Hip, Hip, Hoooooray!"
Was all that the crowd could say.
but, early the following morning;
the Bang-a-lot hammerd away.

The Bang-a-lot (1) (Revised)

From the Laugh-a-lot Series

06/04/08

(Revised 19/04/2008)

Viking Poet (U.K.)

All characters in this series are fictitious and
bear no resemblance to any friends, family or known
persons past or present. hehehe

nia · Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 3:20 pm Post subject:

so creative one Paul, I enjoyed so much and I loved it how you ended, you are so nice and dear I remember you have been also painting, have you? This poem reminded me this too. Thank you Paul, I love your hereos or characters in your poems, you pictures us so nicely,

with my love,
nia

fader · Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 6:04 pm Post subject:

Viking this was great! Very Happy

Being a carpenter by trade I really got a kick out of it.

I really loved the rhyme in this also! I only notice one break in the rhyme scheme in this line.

From early dawn to the setting sun he hammers and he saws;
Making things from wood, like a chair or cupboard doors.

From early dawn to the setting sun he hammers and he saws;
Making things from wood, like a chair from pictures he would draw.

Just a thought, I'm sure you would come up with something much better!
_________________
Nothing gold can stay
make the most of it today.

Viking Poet (U.K.) · Guest

Nia, thank you very much once again. Writing pictures is great fun especially for little ones. Glad you liked it.
Best regards
Paul
Viking Poet (U.K.)

fader Hi,
I'm realy chuffed someone related to it as it adds that little extra bit. Someone told me thay had a Bang-a-lot either side of their house and knew exactly what it was like. Just wait to see whats next? hehehe
Cheers fader and thank you.
Best regards
Paul
Viking Poet (U.K.)

Frank E Gibbard · Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 9:09 pm Post subject:

I really liked the subject matter, we can all I'm sure be with the take on such a DIY obssesive Paul. I may have heard some lines that needed another few syllables but I won't point them out if you are happy mate this not being a workshop. Frank

Viking Poet (U.K.) · Guest

Hi fader and thank you for you comments and time taken to review this work.
I have made one or two changes you will see, please note the first stanza, line four. hehehehe Do you know anyone that this fits?
Thank you once again and i'm glad you enjoyed reading it.
Best regards

Viking Poet (U.K.)

Viking Poet (U.K.) · Guest

Hi frank,
Thanks for the hints. Much appreciated.
Paul
Viking Poet (U.k.)

Tinker1111 · Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 4:12 pm Post subject:

Hi Paul the content of this piece is great~ I enjoyed the story.

~~Tink

Tinker1111 · Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 2:58 pm Post subject:

Hi Paul, I like the revision, I think the shorter lines serve the content well.

~~Tink

Viking Poet (U.K.) · Guest

Hi Tink,
thank you for your critique and feedback on the revised work. You were quite right as to the length of lines effecting the flow for this type of writing and one i'll write down for the future.

cheers once again Tink.

Viking Poet (U.K.)

fader · Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:15 pm Post subject:

Much tighter Viking! I like it even more! Very Happy

_________________
Nothing gold can stay
make the most of it today.

Viking Poet (U.K.) · Guest

Thank you fader, a little help works wonders.
Cheers

Best regards

Viking Poet (U.K.)

pughguy2 · Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:33 pm Post subject:

hhhhmmmm .. that kindda sortta reminded me of .. ME .. back in tha day (when I TOO was a Bang a lot)
Cool write Paul

Viking Poet (U.K.) · Poetry Lover Joined: 22 Mar 2009 Posts: 23

Hi'ya pughguy2;
I'm sorry for not answering your critique and comments sooner; I never thought to look back at the Young at Heart section during yesterday's visit. Embarassed

Thank you for your comments on this piece pughguy2 as it's one of many I (c)'d when was thinking about short stories and wrote some very funny ones back then:
I wrote it after seeing a family member in his shed (where he lived all day I might add) which inspired this and the Laugh-a-lot series. As you can imagine, the tile list can be endless and it is! Coming soon! The Shop-a-lot.
Well! Thank you again pughguy2, it's good to see you.

My best regards

Paul

Viking Poet (U.K.)

pughguy2 · Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 4:28 am Post subject:

Good to see you too Paul. And good to read more of your stuph
mike ..